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posted by Vicky Jo at 3:08 AM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
About Me
- Name: Vicky Jo
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
I coach people to identify and develop their natural personality strengths in order to maximize their potential.
Please contact me to arrange a free strategy session -- I would be delighted to speak with you.
Previous Posts
- Codependence
- Being Unique
- J/P Myths
- Task vs. Process
- Fi or Ni as the Favorite Function
- Statistical Bearing
- Type Watching
- Keeping Score
- Interaction Style Pattern
- Parts Talk
17 Comments:
Bill:
You're highlighting the differences between INFJ and INFP beautifully.
The way INFJs anticipate is well before the event is to occur. For me, I plan my entire week in advance. I have a huge calendar for the entire year posted on my wall; I print out my Yahoo calendar in advance of each week and use it for planning; and I can't sleep at night until I have thought through what my day is probably going to look like tomorrow. As Dr. Beebe says, I am "scenario thinking."
This is very different than what you describe, which is using the process of extraverted iNtuiting to remain open to possibilities at once, as they arise. It's not about anticipating per se so much as it's about remaining open to possibilities. Can you discern the difference in our timetables?
I know I am always trying to look around corners to figure out what's going to happen next so that I don't HAVE to shift gears mid-stream. I dislike having to improvise or change gears abruptly. I prefer to meet my world with structure and organization, with a pre-planned approach. I don't think that's what you're promoting in your comment.
It's very difficult dialoguing with you sometimes, because I feel you try to blur the distinctions I am trying to make. This puzzles me. I try to offer my visitors clarity between the types, and sometimes your messages cause me to wonder whether you are striving to be some kind of universal Everyman. Is that what's going on...?
Bill --
it's interesting because Dr. Linda Berens (INTP, Behind-the-Scenes) often works with an INFJ to do training. And the INFJ was fond of saying to Linda, "Trust the process." Well, to Linda that meant "see what comes up in a training, and whatever it is, just deal with it as it occurs."
At some point, Linda realized the INFJ didn't mean the phrase that way at ALL, not even close! The INFJ meant "trust the process that we've designed and follow it. The structure will create the learning."
Whoa! Big difference in meaning! So Chart-the-Course and Behind-the-Scenes can be quite different (albeit compatible).
To that end, let me point out that if your wife's preferences are for ISFJ, then you share the same interaction style. The nightly planning sessions probably come from a J/P difference, not an interaction style difference. You would probably be infinitely more irritated were it an interaction style difference. ;-D
Uhhh. That's funny. I thought you *told* me she had ISFJ preferences. ???
Uhhh... what comes up for me is that your Ne is engaged at these times -- your extraverted Perceiving process. (Going with the flow, yet navigating it magically.)
And it comes up for me wondering whether there's anything "parental" going on in that experience. Do you find yourself guiding others to new possibilities?
I was thinking about this. I had assumed you had accumulated everything I had ever said about my wife and reached that conclusion based upon the accumulated evidence. But that would be assuming that your brain worked like mine. I expect every comment you have ever made about your sweet husband, on this site and others, has been accumulated up there somewhere. My intuition loves to analyze accumulated information in some subconscious process, and pop it's conclusions into the fat middle of whatever else I happen to be thinking of at the time.
I'm curious. In INFJ preference pattern, is it considered hyper rude when someone interupts another because it can cause the interrupted speaker to loose his train of thought?
Ulghhhhhh! I just felt my demonic Si get triggered. :-P
You wrote, I had assumed you had accumulated everything I had ever said about my wife and reached that conclusion based upon the accumulated evidence. But that would be assuming that your brain worked like mine.
And I had this sensation you have when you look down and realize you forgot to put your pants on and you're standing there butt-naked in public. You know? Like... everything from the waist down just didn't happen.
Well, that's how I feel about introverted Sensing. Only yesterday I was on the phone with a INFJ client doing a class, and part of the class was asking him to think about his past. And he just couldn't go there. I scribbled a note down for myself, because I absolutely understood where he was coming from -- it said "Memory Lane is not a street I live on."
You also write, My intuition loves to analyze accumulated information in some subconscious process, and pop it's conclusions into the fat middle of whatever else I happen to be thinking of at the time.
Now *that* sounds like a tandem process!! YAY! That sounds like Si <---> Ne working together. It's exploring future possibilities based on past experience. PERFECT! And you're also describing extraverted iNtuiting working across contexts, so sometimes it isn't germane to current context. (This is when people start thinking you have ADD. :-P)
You then write, I'm curious. In INFJ preference pattern, is it considered hyper rude when someone interupts another because it can cause the interrupted speaker to loose his train of thought?
In this example, I can only speak for myself. Heck NO it isn't rude. ;-D
It depends on a number of factors: if time and task is looming, you better believe I'm gonna interrupt. I might interrupt if you're heading off down Memory Lane and I can't stand that street. I'm gonna interrupt with my ODOP if I start drowning in extraverted iNtuiting (and after all, my opinion is that you should keep that to yourself; after all, my rule is that iNtuitions are not to be *shared* -- that's private! Just like you experience my extraverted Feeling probably). So all of those give me "license" to interrupt, even though my extraverted Feeling is well aware that I'm being RUDE.
Does any of that answer your question?
Hm, do they actually call you rude? (Because Miss Manners says it's rude to call people rude. ;-D)
Anyway, I can imagine a scenario where you interrupted me, and I just let it go, and I can imagine a scenario where you interrupted me, and I interrupted right back and persisted in making my point. OR that you interrupted me and I interrupted back and said, "Let me finish!" I might insist on having my say -- but I'm not inclined to call you "rude" right then and there (although that might be implied by the look on my face). ;-D
On the other hand, I can imagine hearing my husband interrupt someone, and then either whispering in his ear or getting him aside and telling HIM not to be rude -- that would be my Fe trying to "parent" him by helping his comportment and shaping up his emotional intelligence... whether he wants it or not. ;-P
I confess I'm a little suspicious over here about who's really name-calling you "rude." (Is it a name you're giving yourself when a transaction doesn't go smoothly?)
Ooooh. It sounds like you've encountered a Shadow archetype. She displays an inability to hold her thoughts, and is making that your problem... right?
So I'm guessing some aspect of the complaint is something you can "own" (i.e., you're not having the impact you want to have), and some aspect of the complaint is something you disown.
So... there's "your way," and there's "her way" -- what is the third way?
[time passes while you consider and share a third way]
Also, I hear criticism in her words, but it sounds like there's an unspoken value underneath, even a reasonable request. Is that reasonable request anything you might honor graciously in some way? If not, can you invite and then negotiate a fair settlement that you can both live with?
In other words, who do you want to be with your wife that honors both of your needs? And who do you want to be, regardless of what your wife wants you to be?
Can the genuine two of you sit down together and negotiate an arrangement that satisfies you both, allows you both to be genuine without compromise? (Sometimes answers are lurking nearby if we just take a moment to discover them.)
This sounds more like you somehow, really honoring her while honoring yourself. It's a magnificent "and."
As soon as I feel confident that I am a INFP I read yet another page of your website that describes another characteristic of INFP but this one does not seem to resonate with me. I feel I fit most of the INFP characteristics thus far but not all of them and that bothers me. I then begin to wonder how people can be type casted on such strict criteria and stereotypes. I feel that I am constantly changing and growing. Can people change types as they grow older?
To Anonymous:
Hey there...
1) My understanding is that you do NOT change types any more than an oak tree becomes a pine tree. However, you DO mature, as a pinecone hardly resembles a pine tree.
2) You do not state how long you have been trying to determine your best-fit type. Is this something you have wondered about for some time now? Or did you take a free Humanmetrics test ten minutes ago and then get frustrated not to have "instant answers"? ;-)
3) The difficulty with trying to determine one's best-fit type is that it's all about *preferences*. It's not like that experiment with the blue-eyed and brown-eyed children, wherein it was a cinch to line them up on opposite walls and easily tell them apart. Type is not nearly as obvious to see as that -- and one of the reasons is because it is NOT about stereotypes.
4) The best way to find your best-fit type is to undergo a Self-Discovery process. And yes, that's one of my professional services, of which you can learn more on my website at www.TypeInsights.com. My last five clients came to me mis-typed, so I think I have a good track record for helping folks sort through the confusion and find who they really are.
To Bill...
Re-reading things so you may re-experience them sounds very much like Si to me. I wonder if that tendency to innately "test things" over and over is introverted Sensing as well?
They tell me that Si is NOT about "memory" per se. The synonym they associate with it is "recalling," and I'm told that as a process it IS about the visceral recall you describe.
My memory is interesting -- I remember various trivia and surprise myself sometimes. I used to ace tests off my short-term memory from cramming all night long. (Don't ask me what that information was NOW.)
What I know is that I don't enjoy re-living or re-experiencing something from the past -- I resist that as much as possible -- and apparently Si relishes this....?
Another Buzz phrase that may identify INFP: "feeling third gendered" Male INFPs often grow up feeling like they don't really fit into the typical male mold, and female INFPs likewise don't feel like they fit into the typical female mold, but each doesn't feel like they are members of the opposite gender either, so they want to call themselves third gendered.
But I don't know if this is unique to INFP.
Hey.
There are several things in this blog discussion that I have comments on. But right now, I just want to relish in feeling recognized!
Bill wrote: "My wife has a very good memory for past events, but she can't understand my love of re-experiencing things."
I know that so well! I love reexperiencing and recalling things. By reexperiencing, I mean actually going back to a country I have already visited or reading a novel for the second or third time :) I rarely meet people who understand my drive towards revisiting the same countries. I, on the other hand, feel others travel in a kind of superficial way since they don't realise that there is both depth and novelty in revisiting. There is so much more from that place to find out or feel :P and moreover there is the wonderful chance to compare everything to how it felt last time. :-D Yahooooo!
And by recalling, I mean of course thinking about past events and experiences.
Bill also wrote:
"Another Buzz phrase that may identify INFP: "feeling third gendered" "
Well, the term might be a bit too strong for me. But, being a female INFP, I have always felt rather...balanced, kind of. I have never related much to typical "female" issues and never spend much time feeling really feminine. On the other hand, I don't feel masculine either.
I have never felt it as a kind of third gender, but rather a...lack of really significant gender. Mostly because it seems like yet another distinction that is man made and has nothing to do with our selves deep down...I think.
Will be back some day ;) (I think, though, now that I said it it might never happen...;-P I am not promising anything ;-)
I hope you will check back -- I actually do update the site from time to time.
It's also good to sign up to be notified of updates. (I don't abuse the privilege of notifying of major changes.)
This page really caught my eye. Whenever I am making a big decision (or even little decisions, actually) I have to research. I have to EXHAUST my resources before being satisfied.. one time I had to buy new glasses. I had a vision of the ideal glasses that I would like, in my head. I went through every store that sold glasses in a 30 mile radius of me, asked my friends if they knew of any more, searched online sites, compared cheapest prices, specifications, different brands/styles that looked similar. The process usually takes me weeks to a few months. In the end, I will likely choose a pair of glasses that I KNEW I wanted the moment I saw them, but HAD to research before I could decide. I did this with my motorcycle, with pencils, with notebooks, with computers, with EVERYTHING basically. People get very fed up with me because of it :)
Likewise with this MBTI stuff. I've gone through probably 4 different forums, read their entire section on INFP's, browsed a dozen info sites, reading every single page. Lately I've tried to go with my instinct a little more, because it does tire me a LOT (I can feel my brain burning, seriously), plus the GF is ready to strangle me. :O
I don't think it's so much that INFPs will "read all the information and still not decide". It's more that INFPs will have come to a solid decision that they don't need to decide anything yet! ;)
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