Annoyances
Do you have a comment about this page?
posted by Vicky Jo at 3:12 AM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
About Me
- Name: Vicky Jo
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
I coach people to identify and develop their natural personality strengths in order to maximize their potential.
Please contact me to arrange a free strategy session -- I would be delighted to speak with you.
Previous Posts
- Communication Redux
- Tandem Processing
- Rate Yourself
- Contrasting Ni and Ne
- Contrasting Fi and Fe
- Truth in Humor
- Process, Results, & E-mail Lists
- More Words
- Another Buzz Word
- Codependence
8 Comments:
There's a slippery slope here -- I don't mean to imply I can't do anything different from my preferences. I like the metaphor of having a right and left hand. I PREFER to use my right hand, but I CAN use my left hand. However, the energy cost for using my left hand is enormous, so where possible I try to ensure I am in situations that allow me to use my right hand.
Of course, this presumes I have consciousness of distinguishing that I DO have a right and left hand. Most people don't have that level of psychological understanding, and are very unaware (if not downright primitive) about their own psychology, So in that sense, it certainly IS far from conscious.
Oooh! This is a great conversation! It seems we could really hone in on Fe/Fi differences here. For instance, you don't want to offend others, but there's a place where you draw the line. Where do you draw that line? How do you determine which side of the line to be on? What values get honored on one side of the line versus the other?
I think it's safe to suppose that NO ONE with a preference for Feeling LIKES to offend others (excepting some who are very unhealthy). So my hunch is that what criteria we use to determine what is/isn't offensive may be linked to Fe/Fi differences.
Bill...
I think you've missed my point. Of *course* you've mellowed as you've grown older (generally we all do -- it's called individuation). But I'm talking about the internal guidance system, or "rules" you use for what gets labeled "offensive." Are you on high alert for "offenses" related to people who discuss politics at social gatherings, or are you on high alert for "offenses" related to someone who voted differently from you regarding the current government administration?
I wonder if you will grasp the distinction I'm trying to make.
Have you read "First, Break All the Rules"? I have to say I started crying when I read it.
There's this focus in our society about boot-strapping yourself into improvement, and overcoming shortcomings -- and this author says the best thing you can do is overlook what you're no good at and amplify what you ARE good at.
So if you have a brilliant salesman who doesn't turn in his expense reports on time -- give his expense reports to the secretary to fill out (the one who's good at that), and give the salesman more time out in the field! Why waste time overcoming this person's "shortcomings"? His talent -- his moneymaking brilliance -- is around selling. So have him do more of THAT, the thing he's best at.
In similar respects, I try to find what my coaching clients are good at doing (and enjoy), and encourage them to do THAT. It just makes sense! There is NOTHING wrong with being happy.
Another coach I know has a phrase I love, "Best Use Of You." I believe we are really on purpose with our lives when we feel we are being "well used." Now for a Catalyst, it can be challenging to discover the situation where we get to do that, but we die inside when we don't, whenever we sell out and try to be the way "they" want us to be. :-(
INFJs will be annoyed by:
moralizing
generating options aloud
stalling on decision-making
INFPs will be annoyed by:
too much social convention
not getting to explore options
people who seem "judgmental"
OK. I am annoyed by every single one of these things. See my dilemma?
I can't stand moralizing, or people sitting around talking about ideas forever, or people not willing to make a final decision. But I also can't stand too much social convention, or not being able to generate more ideas, or people who seem judgmental.
So what am I? Just a mean, unforgiving person?
ROFL! Good question. With my coach hat on, ARE you a mean, unforgiving person? (It's not a bad question!)
What I'm noticing is how you seem to be speaking about *other* people. So what about you?
You say, I can't stand moralizing, or people sitting around talking about ideas forever, or people not willing to make a final decision.
So do you tend to DO moralizing, talk about ideas forever, or be unwilling to make a final decision? That's probably the better question, isn't it?
For starters, I find it somewhat interesting that an INFP would send you an email proclaiming that you were being judgemental. Alright, maybe not that but definetly questioning whether or not you were happy being, well...you. You see, I personally really get annoyed by this sort of thing. When people simply don't understand that there is more than simply their beliefs (I don't intend to sound mean or even harsh by the way). I personally believe that everyone should be able to be themself, regardless of anyone elses preferances or expectations. So long as nobody is harming another, and I mean actually harming, not people who cast crude judgements, then there is nothing wrong. I'll delve into this matter again soon.
Anyways...
As an INFP I would agree with the annoyances stated. In fact, I do not think I could even list them in an order of greatest annoyances to least. I truly could not pick which I would prefer to deal with.
There is one annoyance from the INFJ list that I truly get annoyed by: Moralizing.
Now, this is something that I truly become annoyed by, and to an extent I suppose that it could be categorized under moralizing depending on the situation. I dislike being controlled. I despise being told what to do, how to act, how to think, what to say, anything that empairs me being myself.
I truly have no idea if this concept of freedom is as charished with other INFPs (or other types), but I truly crave it.
Maybe this is simply because of personal experience that I have gone through, but it is one of the few things that I get frustrated about. If my independence and freedom of choice are violated, we'll just leave it at I might not appear to be the happiest (or even calm) of people..in fact I actually kind of am afraid what would happen if I truly snapped and just said whatever happened to be going through my mind).
Regardless, is freedom of choice something that seems to be cherished by INFPs or any other type to a point where it could be considered one of their core values?
Thundersun,
I appreciate your observation that it's strange an INFP would call me out for being "judgmental." Perhaps they are mistyped...? The irony, of course, is that John Beebe says INFPs are the "most judgmental of all the types," so I assumed it was the pot calling the kettle black (takes-one-to-know-one mentality). But maybe not...
As far as INFJs moralizing, I appreciate the course correction. At the same time, introverted Feeling (the function that sorts through morality) is channeled by the Critical Parent archetype in the INFJ pattern. So it's sort of their "job." I might invite you to investigate whether it's the function or the archetype that gets up your nose. Negativity as a whole is difficult to be around, and when another person uses the function we use in a heroic way, it can be annoying because it lacks the grace and competence with which we use it.
To your final question, freedom of choice is certainly a value, albeit not the highest value for all people. I'm trying to relate it to a function, and I'm thinking extraverted iNtuiting (Ne) that wants its OPTIONS (although Se wants its OPTIONS also -- options for action). So it gets complex fast.
What I have learned, by working as a values-based coach for a number of years, is that everyone has their own unique ranking of values (and values overlap greatly with type). However, only yesterday I was telling a client that the description in my booklet for INFPs gives the shortest portrait for INFPs, no doubt because values can be soooo different. There are few "universals" we can declare about the INFP pattern outside the 21 points I cover in my type-discovery program. And if anything, I would declare that the achilles heel of the INFP pattern: wanting people to have the same values hierarchy they do. :-)
Namaste,
-Vicky Jo :-)
PS: That "not snapping" thing sounds like your Opposing extraverted Feeling, FYI. We all carry a lot of frustration around in that archetype.
Post a Comment
<< Home