Interview About Feeling
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posted by Vicky Jo at 11:04 PM
Thursday, January 01, 2009
About Me
- Name: Vicky Jo
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
I coach people to identify and develop their natural personality strengths in order to maximize their potential.
Please contact me to arrange a free strategy session -- I would be delighted to speak with you.
Previous Posts
- Conflict Differences
- INFJ Directing
- The Holiday Test
- Type Poll
- Crazy Way
- The Official MBTI[r]
- One Person's Journey
- Nugget of Wisdom
- Introverted Extraverts
- Buzz Word
11 Comments:
I am so excited about this interview! I have INFP preferences and felt that Pete was speaking "my language" throughout. Right away when he mentioned how natural it was for him to know what was going on with his own feelings, I thought "Wait! How is it possible for anyone to *not* know what they are feeling? What else can we possibly know as well as what is going on inside of us?" This is still a revelation after years of observing people and months of reading about type. I love those moments where it finally sinks in. What stood out most, however, was your observation that Introversion "flips" the Judging and Perceiving functions (hadn't fully understood that before). I observe long enough to see how people/situations set with my values and then am willing and ready to accept or reject. It takes a while for those snap judgments to be dislodged (although there is little I love better than having my mind changed!).
It was also fun watching you literally reaching out to Pete - reassuring him verbally, touching his knee, checking in. He sat like a Buddha - a Universe of feeling within but very little showing up on the outside. Now I, at long last, know how I appear to people.
Thank you for this. I hope so much that you enjoyed doing this enough to do another!
I too desire to impact people's emotions, but my approach will be quite different. I inform people of options. I encourage. I pray for them. It is all very much behind the scenes and very personal, and one on one, and individualized, and I don't really need their permission, but it makes things easier. With some people I just want to put a smile on their face, like with a total stranger riding in an elevator. I depend heavily upon intuition. Some people just feel like, "Leave me alone" so I do, but some, my intuition tells me how to approach them. If I can say something that simply makes them smile inside, that's all I wanted.
Great interview..nice to see new discussions of type and not just cut-and paste from the same 2 or 3 books.
As a INFP I had to laugh when you ask "talk about your feeling...explain it". I would have to say feelings go inward and then swirl around like somesort of whirlpool... we ruminate about them, but avoid discussing with others too much.
I also found it interesting when you said you feel the groups feelins as your feelings. "Our" you said. For me, I really think I'm tuned into what everyone in the room is feeling...but its like a string connecting each person back to me. Each is seperate. There is no flow around or between everyone.
Hey guy! New here. Been following this type stuff for the past few months now. Taken only online tests and come up very many things. But Vicky Jo says that no test can tell me who I am so I stopped with the tests and got on to getting as much info as I could and observing myself as much it's possible to observe yourself!
Now I am completely off topic here but please bear with me. I need vicky Jo's attention.
I've noticed something about my behaviour that is a real cost to me and I'm hoping Vicky Jo and any of you guys can do some magic here and explain these things to me and my real preferences so I can try and do something about it.
I've liked this guy for a while now and I'd like us to be friends or develop some kind of relationship with him. I foresee all the ways in which it would come to pass. I even predict his reactions and the proper response from me. I have a mental plan of how it will all come to be. I see clearly in my mind the issues that would arise in the friendship or relationship or business relationship (With others). I even devise months before how I’ll deal with all of them. I can see which direction he’ll follow and I KNOW that if I do one, two three….then four, five, six will follow. And then the opportunity arises and a few times I’m able to take advantage of it, but mostly, I let it pass. I simply freeze. I don’t jump in right away…or at all. I watch him walk away knowing fully well it (whatever is holding me back) is not worth it. Why? Is it the fear of acting in the present (SE), or the inability to appreciate and take full advantage of opportunities (NE) as and when they arise?
I have no doubt in my mind that this is what I want. I have a clear goal in my mind and the plan to bring it to pass so the hesitation is mind-boggling. I mean my whole mind and body KNOWS that I want A, and then the opportunities are presented before me and I’m unable to take full advantage until they’re gone. Sometimes I know exactly what to do (at the time the opportunity is before me), for example I should say ….. right now and I KNOW that it would yield the result I want because I saw this scenario along time ago in my mind and the plan has been loosely floating around at the back of my mind all along, but I CAN’T get it on course.
I’ve noticed this trend before in other arenas. An opportunity to speak of certain topics e.g in class that I have pondered long before but I don’t step up when the question is asked. Once I did step up to speak when they broached a topic close to my most fundamental values. I had argued it before (At length!) in my mind. I stepped up because the values trumped my hesitation. But even then, when, new spins were thrown at me, I gave inadequate (not wrong, but definitely inadequate) answers and then afterwards I wanted to kick myself because the proper responses (not the principles I relied on for the responses which were in my mind all along) that would have swiftly dealt with the questions at the time came… AFTERWARDS! As in after the class, topic, people had moved on and it would seem dumb and petty to return to the same issue again.
Or the opportunity to buy something I’ve wanted for a long time but couldn’t find or didn’t have the money to buy it at the time. Then it is presented to me and at that moment, it seems that there could be other chances, opportunities, better ones and I shouldn’t tie myself down to this one choice. Is this NE in opposition to the goals of Ni? Or is it inferior SE? I have long wondered about my type, tried to monitor myself to see my preferences but I’m just not sure.
I’m leaning towards infj because I feel like I rely on forethought and mental planning more than any other function. I’m very uncomfortable in new situations. That is, not new in the sense that I’ve never been here before. Maybe not, but if it was foreseen and factored into my overall understanding or plan, I tend to be okay. What gets me really nervous is if it’s completely foreign to my mind and I am expected to act on it NOW! I feel like I have no idea what I should do even when it is the simplest task. I simply don’t trust myself to be able to do well in a situation that I had not planned even if in a very abstract theoretical peripheral way.
But If I am Infj, why wouldn’t I trust that choice I had made long before? Why is it that at the time that mental plan is meant to be brought into action (And this happens with the MOST important stuff, like interviews and creating different kinds of relationships useful to me in my overall plans/goals) that suddenly it seems like it may not be fool-proof after all? Like it might not work…despite the fact that I KNOW it will work, I mean I KNOW this is the way to go, nothing new to my mind! In fact, once I even sabotaged an opportunity. I did exactly what would ensure my goals would drift further away from me.
These opportunities, they seem more like crises than opportunities to me, because I beat myself up over them thinking I don’t deserve the chances, because even God surely must tire sometimes of handing them over to me all the time for nothing.
I am getting really frustrated with myself.
Many times, everything runs smoothly but these stuff that matters, they really matter to me, some of them are slipping by. The times I simply do what I had planned on long before (You get, just Mental planning, not written schedules or anything, I just saw: How shall this thing happen? How will I handle it? Is it a good approach? Etc and then saw the best or proper way to get to point A) It works perfectly and I have never regretted it. What I always regret is not doing what seemed already clearly mapped out, what my heart told me without a doubt and got ignored at the crucial moment. The missed opportunities are what's killing me, guys! Vicky Jo, If You can’t help Then I don’t know who can! Maybe Ne in the tertiary? Or maybe even Ni in a non-heroic function? You must have some idea.
Verdict: Look at ENFP as an option.
Only last night I was telling my husband I need to create another site: INFJorENFP. Seriously!
Here's some quick analysis for your benefit:
I've liked this guy for a while now … I even predict his reactions (Ne = “anticipating” which you call "predicting")
I have no doubt in my mind that this is what I want. (sounds like introverted Feeling/valuing not introverted “knowing,” which Ni is -- wanting and knowing are Not The Same Thing)
plan has been loosely floating around at the back of my mind all along, but I CAN’T get it on course (doesn’t sound like “chart-the-course” then ~grin~)
a topic close to my most fundamental values (if you know what your "fundamental values" are, that's usually a sign of Fi)
I had argued it before (At length!) in my mind. (extraverted Thinking = logical argument)
at that moment, it seems that there could be other chances, opportunities, better ones and I shouldn’t tie myself down to this one choice. (options in the moment = Ne)
Is this NE in opposition to the goals of Ni? (yes :-D If you really want to experience Ni, here's what you do: take a deep breath, close your eyes and get in touch with your inner being, your inner knowing. Ask yourself on the inside, "Am I going to end up with this guy?" Notice what answer comes back to you from within yourself. *That's* Ni. You get it from inside, not outside. And if you prefer Ne, it will be about the last thing you'll feel like doing.)
I rely on forethought and mental planning more than any other function. (sounds more like Ne & Te -- Te = "planning")
I’m very uncomfortable in new situations. That is, not new in the sense that I’ve never been here before. Maybe not, but if it was foreseen and factored into my overall understanding or plan, I tend to be okay. What gets me really nervous is if it’s completely foreign to my mind and I am expected to act on it NOW! (lack of Tactical Intelligence – true of all Catalyst temperaments)
I feel like I have no idea what I should do even when it is the simplest task. I simply don’t trust myself to be able to do well in a situation that I had not planned even if in a very abstract theoretical peripheral way. (Helpless when can’t “anticipate”?; poor sensing skills?)
If I am Infj, why wouldn’t I trust that choice I had made long before? (exactly ;-D)
the MOST important stuff (important = Fi)
Many times, everything runs smoothly but these stuff that matters, they really matter to me, some of them are slipping by. The times I simply do what I had planned on long before (You get, just Mental planning, not written schedules or anything, I just saw: How shall this thing happen? How will I handle it? Is it a good approach? Etc and then saw the best or proper way to get to point A) It works perfectly and I have never regretted it. What I always regret is not doing what seemed already clearly mapped out, what my heart told me without a doubt and got ignored at the crucial moment. The missed opportunities are what's killing me, guys!
(I notice how you're talking to "guys" -- as if there's a big group of us who can share this experience with you. Are you looking for a collaborative decision? Because that's the Get-Things-Going style -- wanting to involve others. Furthermore, look at all these options, options, options you’re generating – not to overlook the “possibilities” you entertain as explanation. I'm drowning in them, not to mention drowning in all the words. Would you describe your message as laser focused? That's not a complaint, even though I put a little shaming in it just to hilite my point -- I'm asking you to make an objective assessment. Last but far from least -- frankly, I’m not sure I know what a “missed opportunity” looks like – I lack confidence that I've ever encountered one. Ne is the function that knows whether an opportunity has been missed or not -- not Ni. Actually, scratch that. I’ve missed a lot of opportunities – but it took about 20 years before I noticed. :-P)
I realize you'll be resistant to being categorized as an extravert, and at most I would invite you to re-evaluate the way you define the term. (My article on introverted extraverts is due to be published next month in the Australian APT Bulletin.) There's a lot more to introversion and extraversion than the stereotypes we usually think of.
For the record, I'm in the middle of coaching somebody through my self-discovery process who came in insisting on INFJ preferences and is now delightedly embracing his ENFP preferences. Let's hear it for us irrational types! :-D
PS: I may excerpt all this out and put it on a page on the main site. I keep having this conversation with visitors, so it must be time to escalate it to a full-fledged topic. Stay tuned!
And oh yeah.... your thoughts? :-)
Hey Vicky Jo, Thanx for answering so fast!
You said
"Is this NE in opposition to the goals of Ni? (yes :-D If you really want to experience Ni, here's what you do: take a deep breath, close your eyes and get in touch with your inner being, your inner knowing. Ask yourself on the inside, "Am I going to end up with this guy?" Notice what answer comes back to you from within yourself. *That's* Ni. You get it from inside, not outside. And if you prefer Ne, it will be about the last thing you'll feel like doing.)"
I was surprised, I really didn't want to do this(ask the Q)AT ALL! It was like If I did ask and the answer did come, it would be final gone forgotten, and what if it WASN'T the answer I wanted, what then?
I have to say it's true what you said about me being resistant to being typed extraverted,(By the way, I have no problem being categorized...I asked for it remember?) but you know what, I have been kinda considering it for a while now. I like being with a group of people who i feel like me. I become this entertainer, mimicking folks, telling jokes etc.And I can go on forever! Sometimes I'm afraid I tire people out with too much talking but I feel like I almost can't help myself.
Also, when I was very young I went through a traumatic experience and then later when i was about ten again. I became extremely shy, withdrawn in my world of imagination. lately I've been thinking that this may have been the reason I became or appeared to be 'introverted' for a long time and that maybe deep down I was an extravert because I enjoy talking to people even strangers so much. However, I do enjoy taking time to myself to figure things out or else I drown not knowing where I am going with my life.
The get-things-going thing sounds about right, I've never actually mastered the difference btw it and chart-the-course, but the getting people involved thing..I think I can see how i do it in my normal interactions.
The thing about giving you all the possibilities, I do that even with exams! I don't settle with one interpretation of the question, cause i feel if i do I'll leave out many important things, which later on turn out not to be so crucial.
I'm sorry about the sea of words. I know I'm doing it again. I'll try to get to the bottom line (If that's actually possible!)
Also, do you mind clarifying Te for me? It's the only thing that has me hesitating with your analysis. I remember reading a post where someone tired you out with data and you called it Te. The thing is I absolutely hate too much data too, figures and numbers and statistics!And despite my wordiness, would you believe I am totally intolerant of the same behavior from other people! (I know, selfish)
Lastly the descriptions of enfp usually seem so bright cheery etc, I often get like that when i have nothing to worry about like school or work (Or I reach a point where I force myself to forget that stuff cause I can't handle it) but many times i appear to be the opposite. People tell me. Do you think that the descriptions may be exaggerated a bit like with infj?
Other than that, I'd like to say sorry again for the words, and thanx for taking the time. I am off to do some serious looking-into-enfp work right now.
Alice,
LOL! I love your attitude. I've had ENFPs "go to war" with me insisting they have INFJ preferences, and I'm soooo grateful you're open to another possibility.
Don't worry about the words -- now that you understand why there are so many, it's okay. Sometimes people feel "picked on" when I point out all their words, as if I'm making them "wrong" rather than trying to show them something.
You ask about extraverted Thinking. Extraverted thinking is the tertiary function in the ENFP pattern. What that means is it is a somewhat unconscious process for you -- and some days you're good at it, and some days you suck. You use it in a "child-like" fashion -- meaning it's where you go to "play" and "have fun" (I know, I know -- what a weird function to have "fun" with, hunh).
I usually see it with ENFPs in enjoying logic puzzles, debating, finding the rationale, seeking the logic behind something, and sometimes there is an interest/fascination with Science.
It's not "hard-core" like those who have it as their dominant or auxiliary, but it tends to be a hobby for some -- a way to recharge.
To that end, it's important to note that you also use introverted iNtuiting, inasmuch as you may avoid and resist it. It's just that when you're using it, you're not the beautiful you that you are when you're using your natural gift of extraverted iNtuiting. :-)
Nearly all the ENFPs in my world tend to be life coaches, and I really appreciate and admire their gifts. Whenever I meet someone I consider a "Renaissance Man [or Woman]," I know that chances are I'm in the presence of another fabulous ENFP.
Observation: ENFPs are cheerful and upbeat when they're able to use their gifts and be affirmed for them -- but if there's no encouragement to be who you are, then "upbeat" and "happy" don't make much sense. Those qualities are the *consequence* of living a life that honors your genius.
Tip: hire a coach if you can. I've never met an ENFP who didn't *thrive* and *blossom* from such a supportive relationship. The majority of Co-active Coaches in the world have preferences for ENFP like you. :-)
Introverted feeling in action:
Vicky asked, "Is there something about naming it and putting it out there that diminishes it?"
Pete "checked in" with himself to determine if "diminishing" is what he experiences when he names feelings, and then tried to guide toward the correct description since "diminish" didn't quite fit. That moment when he goes "uhh" and looks down, he is now checking in and using Fi.
Hello, I just wanted to say a big thank you, for this whole site, but particularly for this interview. It is has finally solved the type puzzle for me. I was typed estj about 15 years ago and it was so wrong but I didn't know why and was confused. I have since learned lots about type and enjoy using it to help others but have always been confused about myself. Recently I have realised and accepted that I am an NF definitely so it was just the other two bits to figure out. I know I'm not an in charge or get things going person so that ruled out ep or ej, leaving just infp or infj. The final frontier! Anyway, the pyschic thing put me off as I am rather more trusting and gullible than psychic about people. (though my estp daughter thinks I'm psychic, I have always been under the shadow of my entp husband in the 'knowing what's going on' department). Still, I am a sensitive soul and people turn more to me than to him for advice (and my advice is better, I have to say!). Anyway - I'm rambling - you have solved my problem with this video! Finally I see that the drama queen, party girl, trusting open side of me is NOT because I am really a p (despite being absent minded, fun loving and often late), or an extrovert (despite never answering the telephone, loving to read and write, and breathing a sigh of relief when left ALONE) but because of my extraverted feeling preference. My Ni is largely unconscious to me (which is why I don't see myself as psychic and had trouble seeing myself as an N at all for years). Now I realise it is just so natural I hardly notice it - it is seen in the way I get lost in my thoughts (which I write down a lot) - mostly making connections between things, my natural absent mindedness and sudden revelations, and the way I tune out going off in tangents in my mind often while in conversation or driving or at any time when something triggers in my brain as important or related to something else which is important. So anyway, I really appreciate all the work you've gone to in making this free site for people like me. I hope you know how much it means, it really does. :)
I too have been struggling with the INF? for a while.
This interview confirms it! I am an INFP without doubt.
Watching Pete's part of the interview, I saw myself and laughed along the way.
I am an INFP. Thank you, Vicky Jo for clearing that up!
"to take care of YOU, the viewer, and your *feelings*, and try to make sure you would enjoy what was going on and not get bored .. a mythical viewer whom I was trying to include and please"
That's funny. I sensed that. Not so mythical a viewer then, rest assured. :)
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