Feeling Stereotypes
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posted by Vicky Jo at 3:14 AM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
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5 Comments:
Relevant story: So there's two orchestra conductors. One trys very hard to be easygoing and everyones friend, while the other doesn't. The one who doesn't has a 'if you're commited to the orchestra, you'll like me' approach implied, and I'm sure that he preferred. He could criticize, but he was never a jerk about anything, he just calmy dished out fairness. I'm pretty sure he preferred Introverted feeling. On the other hand, the nice guy conductor often tried so hard to be easygoing that occasionaly he'd explode and lash out at the orchestra, and he would be a jerk about it sometimes. Of course, the next day, he would always apologize. In the end, I don't think either conductor was 'better' than the other, but it did make me realize something important: feeling types can be just as mean an unfair as thinking types. In the end, the more detatched-from-emotions conductor was sometimes more fair than the nice guy. Too bad I can't honestly feel superior about my extroverted feeling anymore.
Great noticing!
Yes! I had a client conversation recently with someone who decided they "must be a Thinking type" because sometimes they weren't "nice." I found that a deplorable understanding of the model. I'm married to a Thinking type, and I can be much nastier than him. Thinking types aren't mean, they simply use impersonal logic for making decisions instead of relying on values the way Feeling types do. It's the Feeling types who can be monsters. I've had Feeling types behave as outright bullies to me, much to my shock and horror!
I think there's another tacitly assumed - and very unfortunate - stereotype about Feeling: That having a Feeling preference makes one less intelligent than someone with a Thinking preference. I recently sensed this with a friend who is currently trying to determine her type. She hasn't come out and said as much, but I get the feeling that she doesn't want to consider that she might "be an 'F' " because she thinks of it as "less than," and that it means that one is incapable of reason and logic, and that it means being spineless and endlessly accomadating to boot!
If INFJs love role models, then mine is Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German Lutheran pastor who realized from early on that the Nazi Party was bad news, and who was eventually executed (mere weeks before World War II ended in Europe) for his role in a plot to assassinate Hitler. I've read several of his letters, books, and lectures, and I have come to two conclusions: 1. Bonhoeffer was a brilliant, high-flying intellectual and 2. If he wasn't a Catalyst (and therefore possessed a Feeling preference), I'll eat my hat. My main evidence of the latter assertion: While in prison, he wrote a sublime little poem in which he pondered the nature of his existence. I hope it's okay to link here, because it's really worth reading: http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=385 . The day before he was executed in a concentration camp in Southern Germany, Bonhoeffer could be found comforting the widows of recently-killed political prisoners.
At the same time, he wasn't always what one would call "nice." His book "The Cost of Discipleship" is full of admonishments: He has found The Right Way To Be Christian, and he intends to direct fellow Christians along that path.
So anyone who persists in thinking that Feeling is not compatible with intellect and a strong will (What some might call stubbornness) - stop it! It's simply not true.
I can't say for certain that Bonhoeffer had INFJ preferences, but the more I read of him, the more I think that he did. Granted, I've only recently been introduced to the eight functions, so I'm hardly an authoritative voice on the subject, but a lot of what I've read about Introverted Intuition and Extraverted Feeling seems to fit.
(it's gabe, I can't figure out this new blogger thing)
The feeling stereotype must come from our culture (I've been reading the lecture on the feeling function by Hillman). What I notice is that many people who prefer thinking seem to be in a struggle to either avoid the influence of feeling judgements or to attempt primatively to live up to them. So, say, an INTJ might act self rightious about how 'honest' and logical they are, while an introverted thinking type might have some implied pride of "I don't yell, therefor I'm NICER than you". On the other hand, 'nice' and 'mean' mean usually mean very little to people who prefer feeling. Nice might be a 'default', but if they decide they need to be 'mean', they will do so on purpose. But our culture seems to still have some ideal and stereotype about feeling (probably because of its collective inferiority).
I love that you're reading Hillman's essay. I got a LOT from reading it, very powerful. I was planning to excerpt some portions and post them someday (sigh!).
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