Styles Comparison
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posted by Vicky Jo at 5:31 PM
Thursday, August 03, 2006
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8 Comments:
I think Donna's comparison is rather poor, but not because the lists aren't the same lenght. The examples don't show a lot of contrast.
Many things mentioned on one side could easily be said of both, such as:
* Being warm
* Struggle to not react strongly if others seem uncaring or cold
* Have difficulty accepting critical feedback presented logically
* Are accommodating and positive
* Do not work well in an environment of personal conflict
* See situations from multiple perspectives
* Are good at linking people and finding common ground
* Often play the role of mediator or conciliator
As an INFP, I have often filled the role as mediator, which requires seeing things from multiple perspectives, and finding common grounds to resolve conflicts.
I would also say that INFJ's "expect the best from people" maybe a little more than INFP's. This goes along with being the "Advocate for developing human potential".
Thanks for sharing your perspective.
What shows up for me is that it's possible you are relating this to your own experience and the image that you perhaps try to portray yourself, not to mention the cultural norm that is being upheld.
I also surmise you are likely female, even though there's no indication of that in your post, and you are perhaps upholding a cultural value for women to have these agreeable qualities.
So here's where I'm going to split hairs with you: it seems to me that Donna is trying to look for the "rule." So in what you write, I wonder if it makes room for the INFP who is not warm, who is not accommodating and positive, who does not link people and find common ground.
I'm imagining a change activist who is following his/her heart and is standing up for something important. Would not a person in that circumstance work effectively despite an environment of personal conflict? Would they not be unaffected when others were uncaring or cold?
I'm brought to mind of Julia Butterfly Hill, who lived in a redwood tree for two years, and made halting the destruction of ancient redwoods a cause celebre.
Now I'm not suggesting Julia has INFP preferences, but certainly she is remarkable for her introverted Feeling. And she attracted a lot of hostility.
So then I think about my iconic INFP, Gandhi, and wonder how well these descriptors would capture him. And I don't get that it would portray him well at all.
Extraverted Feeling in the INFJ pattern is all about "connecting," and that's the theme I see running through Donna's list. Which is not to say that INFPs never "connect" -- it's just not the hallmark of that type pattern.
The "critical feedback" issue shows up for me as a reflection of extraverted Thinking being in the Shadow -- whereas for INFPs it is their aspirational process. They seem to handle it better than INFJs do.
The mention of multiple perspectives seems to come from an INFJ's DomNi ("scenario thinking"), alongside the qualities of mediator/conciliator. Again, not to say that INFPs can't manifest these characteristics, but ostensibly it would not be their hallmark.
We can definitely agree on INFJs "expecting the best from people." It sounds a little pollyannish, but I imagine myself tapping my foot impatiently and expecting the best, and feeling a tad annoyed when it does not appear.
How does this land with you?
What I make up is that they are "development opportunities."
I don't think they are "falling off a log" skills (you know, the ones you do so naturally that it's as easy as falling off a log), but my hunch is that they rely on processes that aren't SO deep in your Shadow that you don't have access to them. So my guess is that you're exactly right in your assessment. ;-D
On my side, as a coach, I am having to become fluent in the language of values, and sensing energy fluctuations, listening at a very deep level, asking instead of telling, developing rather than advising, and "dancing in the moment" instead of planning everything in advance. So I'm on the other side of the fence, but walking down the same road. ;-D
I don't know who wrote the first comment on this blog, but I've been cogitating on it recently.
The person wrote,
As an INFP, I have often filled the role as mediator, which requires seeing things from multiple perspectives, and finding common grounds to resolve conflicts.
and what shows up for me is a hunch that this person may have preferences for ENFP instead. I have a feeling that "mediator" is a code word for the "Get Things Going" interaction style, and this sounds like Ne in a "heroic" position. I could be wrong, of course, but it might explain why this contributor didn't seem to find a "best fit" between the INFP and INFJ descriptions. (Because they don't fit either?!)
This person might care to visit the TWO pages I have on my site devoted to introversion and extraversion that say a good deal more about this dimension.
I am starting to wonder if the words "seeing things from multiple perspectives" might elicit a different context for you than for me. Just wondering.
Eggs-zactly!
Something that's so interesting I've been noticing is how often we interpret the same word in ways that serve us. Like the phrase "being comfortable with process." One person reads process as "something unfolding" and another person reads process as "structure." And each one secretly dislikes the other person's "process." ;-P
This person might care to visit the TWO pages I have on my site devoted to introversion and extraversion that say a good deal more about this dimension.
I know about "E Versus I". What am I forgeting?
Introverted Extraverts, near the top of the pick list. (It's a page I managed to bang out in spite of how busy you've been keeping me. ;-P)
INFP here:
"As an INFP, I have often filled the role as mediator, which requires seeing things from multiple perspectives, and finding common grounds to resolve conflicts."
I completely agree with this. Although I must admit that I may play the role of mediator differently from an INFJ.
With me, it tends to go something like this:
First, I try to put myself in the shoes of each party. I ask myself, "if I were this person, what would be important to me and what is being violated or overlooked that is valuable to me?"
If the most important pieces are in conflict between the 2 parties, then I have a lot more work to do. But if the parties are each just being nit-picky over an issue of lesser importance then I try to get each party to see that they still have the main values in common and I work from there.
When their main points are in conflict, I often end up creating a third point that sits a little off to side of both party's points. I sell this as a compromise and point out why niether of them can possibly get everything the way they want without ending up in a dead lock. Because my option if off to the side of their points, I emphazise how close it is to what they want and how the differences between my option and their's aren't enough to make it fail.
I'd like to claim "being warm" as an INFP trait too, but I know I can appear incredibly cold at times. But I think that INFJs have the same problem. Pehaps that trait should just be let off of both lists, because it's a mood thing... no one can be warm all the time.
Hmm. I'm not quite sure how to reconcile the lists. While I ALWAYS take on more than my share and complete it too, I expect others to do their very best and really give it their all. I get very frustrated with people who say "I'll be there" and then don't show up, or who say "I'll take care of that" and then don't, or do a bad job at it.
Sigh.
It feels like this area gets really muddy, because of COURSE it taps into how all of us are capable of the whole spectrum. So it seems like it may be adding to the confusion, rather than eliminating it. :-(
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